The Best Things In Life Are Me.

It almost hurts when one starts something that has the potential for a tagging explosion, and yet one chooses NOT to tag anyone and leave it all hanging uselessly like jellyfish tentacles. How annoying.

But Lady D did leave it open for interpretation, and seeing as how several others have grabbed at a chance to tag themselves, I’m going to do the same.

Let’s first pretend you know nothing about me.

1. What time did you get up this morning?
Too early for my comfort. Or the cat’s. She didn’t appreciate being thrown hastily off her warm perch on my stomach. I have a claw mark to prove her ire.

2. Diamonds or pearls?
Depends on what I’m wearing, really. I have a schizophrenic thing going on, so I think I’ll take both, sil vous plait.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Madagascar 2. King Julian gets me horny.

4. What is your favourite TV show?
Who’s Line Is It Anyway and Oprah. There… I’ve said it. I am not ashamed.

5. What do you usually have for breakfast?
It used to be one particular employee, but since I moved jobs it’s been muesli. Both taste the same.

6. What is your middle name?
I find that very politically incorrect. Why, I ask, should a name be imparted rank? Do not all names deserve equality?

7. What food do you dislike?
Shit. I had it once and didn’t much take to it. Brain and tongue come in a close second. Something about the concept of eating those parts of an animal really put me off.

8. What is your favourite album at the moment?
The one my mother shows off to everyone who dares to stop by for a visit. It has all my baby nudey pictures in it.

9. What kind of car do you drive?
Darling, she’s not a car. Don’t make me shudder. She is Camilla Parker the Toyota Cami, with individualistic scratches to boot.

10. Favorite sandwich?
I’d love to say man, but I’d tick a few people off. I will settle for Marmite, pol sambol and cheese. Have you tried it??

11. What characteristics do you despise?
Complacency and arrogance. I am the only one allowed.

12. Favorite item of clothing?
Bras. It’s my new-found girly love. Then there’s also my collection of denims that I literally live in. They know me well.

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?Disneyland. Over and over again, if I could.

14. Favourite brand of clothing?
I hate clothing brands. I really don’t see the point. Perhaps it’s my career in advertising that’s gone and bogged the show. I refuse to let some other name besides my own define me.

15. Where would you retire to?
If it’s not to an early grave, my little log cabin way up in the misty mountains, along with my pet goats (I will have three) and gotukola patches.

16. What was your most memorable birthday?
No.17. My first/last/only real mixed party, where I got all dressed up and acted posh whilst my dad and his camera tailed me like the paparazzi all evening. We later found out that there was never any film in that damn camera, and he was merely spying on my every activity to make sure no boys kissed me.

17. Favourite sport to watch?
Rugby, for that glorious sea of muscular thighs and figure-skating because I have a gay streak in me.

18. When is your birthday?
If I tell you I’ll have to kill you.

19. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Depends on what time of the day you plan to meet me.

20. What is your shoe size?
I don’t have a penis, so it shouldn’t matter. Unless you plan to buy me shoes, in which case I’ll gladly tell.

21. Pets?
Redundant question. But wait… you’re not supposed to know me, neyda. Yes. Two snooty cats, one species-confused dog and a sibling.

22. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?
A mosquito bit my ass last night and now I have a boil.

23. What did you want to be when you were little?
Big.

24. How are you today?
Still the same height. A little underweight because I haven’t had lunch.

25. What is your favourite candy?
Caramel toffee bananas

26. What kind of flowers do you like?
Jasmine and frangipani for their smell, and lilies because they look like they know it all.

27. What day on the calendar are you looking forward to?
All those hypothetical days I’ve marked out for when I get to leave home.

28. What is your full name?
Dunnam Kaala Kaala Duwannam. I’ve waited so long to say that online!

29. What are you listening to right now?
The boring natter of a client service executive.

30. What was the last thing you ate?
A toenail. It was delicious.

31. Do you wish on stars?
I’m usually under them.

32. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
One of those collections of shaven bits put together in a gooey bunch.

33. What is the weather like right now?
The one outside or the one hovering above my head at this very moment?

34. First person you spoke to on the phone today?
My mother. She called me in a panic about a cow who'd been knocked down on the road.

35. Favourite soft drink?
Portello.

36. Favourite restaurant?
Taprobane at the Cinnamon Grand. Once you’ve delved into their buffets, there’s no turning back.

37. Real hair color?
All my hair is still real. It’s black, with bits of brown and speckles of reddy bronze.

38. Favorite toy as a child?
A gun. Ironic, that

39. Summer or winter?
Summer.

40. Hugs or kisses?
Hugs. Lots of them. Kisses put me to sleep.

41. Chocolate or vanilla?
I’m female. Why ask silly questions?

42. Coffee or tea?
Coffee. It becomes obvious when you meet me.

43. When was the last time you cried?
Last night, as I strained to exile a particularly defiant poo.

44. What is under your bed?
My mother keeps asking me the same thing. I still don’t know, although it does tend to smell a bit now and then… I have a feeling the cat knows, though.

45. What did you do last night?
Wouldn’t you love to know…

46. What are you afraid of?
The sea and dependence.

47. Salty or sweet?
Both

48. How many keys on your key ring?
I have keys??

49. Favourite day of the week?
Saturday

50. How many towns you lived in?
4

51. Do you make friends easily?
Yes....

...and then they get to know me.