It's been one helluva god-awful two weeks. Quite possibly archivable as one of the worst in my short lifespan. I'm in a mood to whine, so listen up. Hey! Don't turn away... come back here!
Never mind. I'm going to whine anyway. I'm Sri Lankan... I was born with a talent for it.
At the rate I've been experiencing emotional highs and lows in the past 14 days, its no wonder I'm a little more twisted than I started off as. It's been the epitomé of "emotional rollercoaster" - speed, terror, exhilaration and the need to puke.
Shall I begin at the beginning?
1. High - I moved out.
2. Low - And then I moved back in.
3. Lower than low - in five days.
I've been looking around for Ché Dramaqueen for some time now, and two weekends ago I was casually browsing the classifieds (lately a hobby of mine) when I came across an advert for a house on rent. On a whim I called the owner, spoke to him, and decided to drive past it. You know... just to satisfy that 'independant female' fantasy I have in my head.
It was perfect. It had everything I could possibly ask for- budget friendly, secure, quite posh with all the modern amneties, and close enough to home to save my mother from paranoia. And so I followed the initial whim and paid a downpayment on it. The next three days were spent in a over-zealous state of madness, where I planned and plotted the furnishing, formulated my three year budget for single-living expenses, got myself a bank loan to take care of all the immediate costs (lease, furniture, etc) and found myself a maid.
At last. After years of searching, I had found my own pad and I was moving out. I was 'freedom girl', advocate of justice for all domesticated daughters.
In all the madness, however, I had forgotten one thing. My inner feminist's arch-enemy; the Dad Monster. once I'd taken care of all the house details and scheduled the move, I made the call (he works abroad) to announce my new-found lifestyle.
If there was ever a catastrophe to have taken place in ye olde family home, this would be it. My announcement sparked off a frenzied series of phone calls and emails flying at me from His Lordship the Father Figure(less), articulating in various ways his abject displeasure at my actions. He cried, I cried. He screamed, I screamed louder. He begged, I practically grovelled. In the end, he used his final trump card and vehemently promised to blame my poor boyfriend for my moving out, and do his worst to the fellow as punishment. This was topped off with a promise of Daddy Dearest getting a heart-attack (which he's done in the past in response to my actions) and blaming his untimely death on me, should I so much as DREAM of packing my bags. Then, my mother decided to cry too, and question her parenting skills, for having made me want to leave her.
So... I cancelled on the landowner, lost my downpayment, went into throes of depression at the thought of never being able to move out on my own, and now also have the debt of a huge loan sitting in my bank account.
3. High - I suddenly had money to play with.
4. Low - it reduced drastically in seconds.
Having gotten that big loan invoked all the female glee in me, to know that I could take out my depression on shopping or travel, and possibly put that money into some use. If it wasn't gonna be moving out, then I might as well find enjoyment some other way. And so I plotted and planned again on various means of making the loan worth the trouble. (the BF suggested I give it back to the bank, but COME ON. I'm from Venus. We never give money back.)
As I beamed over the healthy sum showing on my online bank statement, I made all sorts of crazy plans for taking a trip to disneyland, the singapore zoo, and starting an animal home. All this while foolishly meddling around with the buttons on my online bank interface. My mind lazily went to an area called 'time deposits'. Out of curiosity, I decided to experiment with the loan money, to check out what this so called time deposit was all about. And so I casually transferred one lakh into opening a new 'time deposit', just to see what it did for me.
Soon after, I realized I couldn't get the money out again. Not until my 'time' was up.... which is 6 months from now.
5. High - I surprised my mother
6. Low - She surprised me back.
So, with 100,000/- less to spread around my emotional spending, I decided to put the rest of the cash towards another lifelong dream of mine- A trip to Egypt. Coincidentally, a tour to the place in April was advertised that very day in the papers, and I decided to pounce on the opportunity. I also decided to treat Mum to a grand birthday gift of a ticket to accompany me, knowing how much I'd put her through in the last week (with the move and all that), and knowing that this could make her forgive me. So I devised a cunning plan with the help of that resident slime called my sibling, and stole her passport to secretly apply for her visa.
That was just hours before she called me at office to say that she'd tested positive for Ovarian Cancer. By April, she'll either be convalescing from chemo... or if things don't go well... be making 'other plans'.
Right now, after this latest revelation (that happened 24 hours ago), life is pretty much still on a low.
And the rollercoaster just stopped in it's track.