Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The Shit Hitteth the Fan.

It's been one helluva god-awful two weeks. Quite possibly archivable as one of the worst in my short lifespan. I'm in a mood to whine, so listen up. Hey! Don't turn away... come back here!

Never mind. I'm going to whine anyway. I'm Sri Lankan... I was born with a talent for it.

At the rate I've been experiencing emotional highs and lows in the past 14 days, its no wonder I'm a little more twisted than I started off as. It's been the epitomé of "emotional rollercoaster" - speed, terror, exhilaration and the need to puke.

Shall I begin at the beginning?

1. High - I moved out.

2. Low - And then I moved back in.

3. Lower than low - in five days.

I've been looking around for Ché Dramaqueen for some time now, and two weekends ago I was casually browsing the classifieds (lately a hobby of mine) when I came across an advert for a house on rent. On a whim I called the owner, spoke to him, and decided to drive past it. You know... just to satisfy that 'independant female' fantasy I have in my head.

It was perfect. It had everything I could possibly ask for- budget friendly, secure, quite posh with all the modern amneties, and close enough to home to save my mother from paranoia. And so I followed the initial whim and paid a downpayment on it. The next three days were spent in a over-zealous state of madness, where I planned and plotted the furnishing, formulated my three year budget for single-living expenses, got myself a bank loan to take care of all the immediate costs (lease, furniture, etc) and found myself a maid.

At last. After years of searching, I had found my own pad and I was moving out. I was 'freedom girl', advocate of justice for all domesticated daughters.

In all the madness, however, I had forgotten one thing. My inner feminist's arch-enemy; the Dad Monster. once I'd taken care of all the house details and scheduled the move, I made the call (he works abroad) to announce my new-found lifestyle.

Big. Mistake.

If there was ever a catastrophe to have taken place in ye olde family home, this would be it. My announcement sparked off a frenzied series of phone calls and emails flying at me from His Lordship the Father Figure(less), articulating in various ways his abject displeasure at my actions. He cried, I cried. He screamed, I screamed louder. He begged, I practically grovelled. In the end, he used his final trump card and vehemently promised to blame my poor boyfriend for my moving out, and do his worst to the fellow as punishment. This was topped off with a promise of Daddy Dearest getting a heart-attack (which he's done in the past in response to my actions) and blaming his untimely death on me, should I so much as DREAM of packing my bags. Then, my mother decided to cry too, and question her parenting skills, for having made me want to leave her.

So... I cancelled on the landowner, lost my downpayment, went into throes of depression at the thought of never being able to move out on my own, and now also have the debt of a huge loan sitting in my bank account.

3. High - I suddenly had money to play with.

4. Low - it reduced drastically in seconds.

Having gotten that big loan invoked all the female glee in me, to know that I could take out my depression on shopping or travel, and possibly put that money into some use. If it wasn't gonna be moving out, then I might as well find enjoyment some other way. And so I plotted and planned again on various means of making the loan worth the trouble. (the BF suggested I give it back to the bank, but COME ON. I'm from Venus. We never give money back.)
As I beamed over the healthy sum showing on my online bank statement, I made all sorts of crazy plans for taking a trip to disneyland, the singapore zoo, and starting an animal home. All this while foolishly meddling around with the buttons on my online bank interface. My mind lazily went to an area called 'time deposits'. Out of curiosity, I decided to experiment with the loan money, to check out what this so called time deposit was all about. And so I casually transferred one lakh into opening a new 'time deposit', just to see what it did for me.

Soon after, I realized I couldn't get the money out again. Not until my 'time' was up.... which is 6 months from now.


5. High - I surprised my mother

6. Low - She surprised me back.

So, with 100,000/- less to spread around my emotional spending, I decided to put the rest of the cash towards another lifelong dream of mine- A trip to Egypt. Coincidentally, a tour to the place in April was advertised that very day in the papers, and I decided to pounce on the opportunity. I also decided to treat Mum to a grand birthday gift of a ticket to accompany me, knowing how much I'd put her through in the last week (with the move and all that), and knowing that this could make her forgive me. So I devised a cunning plan with the help of that resident slime called my sibling, and stole her passport to secretly apply for her visa.

That was just hours before she called me at office to say that she'd tested positive for Ovarian Cancer. By April, she'll either be convalescing from chemo... or if things don't go well... be making 'other plans'.

Right now, after this latest revelation (that happened 24 hours ago), life is pretty much still on a low.

And the rollercoaster just stopped in it's track.


drac said...

Holy shit.

I'm so sorry to hear that last bit*. I hope she gets through it ok.

*although, to be honest - the parts before made me grin hugely.

Darwin said...

Sorry to hear about your mum, that must be awful. Hope things turn out well...

crystal flame said...

wow.. what a rollercoaster ride it had been for u.. moving out seems the best thing, and it had been.. but at times u do miss the luxuries u had at rents' home. sorry to hear about your mom.. hope all goes well.

Abracadabra said...

damm looks like you've had a nasty week to say the least!

I must say that reading your moving out story made me remember the time I made plans to move out. needless to say it did not work out. lol

Really sorry to hear about your mum. Hope everything works out.

Dili said...

Oh frack :\ Im so sorry DQ. Is it that bad? Chances of remission?

Azrael said...

So sorry to hear about your mum. hope she gets better soon.

As for the rest of it...that's one monster roller coaster you've been on

dramaqueen said...

Thanks peeps... Blogging this piece was just a way to vent, but it sure feels good to read your supportive comments... I suppose mum needs the support more than I do, so I'll pass on your kind thoughts on to her. :)

I've got my fingers crossed for her too. If I'm this terrified, then I can't begin to imagine how she feels. But knowing my mum, she'll be back in bouncing form in no time.

Dili- she's due to get a scan done to see how far it's progressed. After that, we'll know how serious it is, and what the chances are.

SpectralCentroid said...

Terribly sorry about your mum. That was a shocker reading through the post.

confab said...

hey u.
wow it's been a tough week eh? just remember to keep smiling:)

i must admit i admire ur courage to even attempt moving out. we all know how possessive sri lankan parents are!

Jack Point said...

Well good luck is about all I can wish you. Perhaps it would be a good idea to sound out the family when making biggish plans in future - to save yourself the rollercoaster?

Pink Mist said...

omg, even tho we dont each other, just wanted to give you a hugggggggggg! hope everything turns out okay. that was quite a rollercoaster just to read, actually living it must've been crazy.

T said...

wow. thats quite the 2 weeks. the end was a real shocker, best of luck to your mum. and you of course.

Lady divine said...

Oh no!
I'm really sorry to hear that.....
so much has happened and it just all ended bad..

I tend to see certain aspects of me in you...:-) like the great need to be on my own.. But sometimes when we try to do what we want, we tend to overlook on how it might affect others..

I always tend to think of how my father would look at certain decisions that i take...and not much about my mum coz Im not at all close to her.. but then one day it dawned on me that my dad would've listened to my mum too and so now i make it a point to say certain things to her no matter how hard it is to get her to understand..

But I'm sure your mum will fight her way through it.. she will be healed.. we're always there for you.. Atleast I can tell you that I'll Always Be There If You Ever Need Anything.. :-)


Surein said...

Oh crap....

Anonymous said...

Strange how you spin it round to make it seem like your mom having cancer is all about you!! Are you really that callous?

dramaqueen said...

Anonymous - Would you rather I said that I am not affected by my mum's news? Would that satisfy your assessment of my moral virtues?

I'm sorry ... I was under the impression that MY blog talks about MY life and the things happening around ME, and was an outlet for ME to vent out MY feelings on them.

Did you feel left out?

Doc said...

Can't really say much now can I?

Just hope things turn out for the best, for everyone in your life, especially your mom and dad.

Have faith. Things will get better.

Life has a way of making amends and suprising you when you need it the most.

human said...

My Aunt had cancer a few years ago. She came to our place and when no one was around she whispered 'Look, I have cancer,Now don't go and tell that to my kids. The stupid things will over react!" I went to the hospital with her.She told the doctor "Look doctor! I have to live for some time OK? I have a few things to do!I am not prepared to die!" It was more of a demand than a request.The doctor who happens to be one of the best cancer specialists in Sri Lanka smiled and said "I admire your determination! Keep it up!" I took my engineering textbooks and "moved into" her room at the hospital. She happens to be one of my best friends as well so it was fun! Although we were scared we always had hope. The docter didn't give us any promises, he was like "let's try our best" My aunt and I still talk about those days and laugh.

Don't give up hope. Your mom is going to be fine. Keep writing about how things go. Take care.

DeeCee said...

what a post...had me laughing my guts out and gasping the next...