Tuesday, September 18, 2007

The Bitch - How to Deal

A comment left by 'anonymous' on my previous post spurred me to blog on this my next subject - that of people and their nasty ways. (Thanks, 'anonymous', for the inspiration!)

We've all known a bitch or two in the span of our lives. They're not always females, either. People who seem to have nothing better to do than to loudly and publicly pass unwarranted judgement on others without invitation, most of if not all the time. Admittedly, I've done it a couple of times myself, and whilst it's a bad habit that I've tried over the years to get rid of, it not necessarily a trait that I'm proud of at all. There are some people I know who seem to be afflicted with the disease (I call it a disease because it's certainly not a good thing, and it should be cured with immediate effect) to the point where they have no other aspect to their individual personalities, save their venom-filled mouths. These are people I've learned to avoid at all costs, unless it is absolutely essential that I be in their company for some reason.

My recent blog-joust with 'anonymous' got me thinking and attempting to understand the psychological make-up that is behind this obsession with being nasty. Why do we, as humans, feel this need to strike down so forcefully on other people at the cost of scarring them emotionally as well as building up a negative reputation for ourselves? Why do bitches exist? What brings out the bitch in an otherwise normal person with the potential to be affable?

I mused and pondered on this topic with a good friend of mine who pointed out that it's very often an insecurity complex teamed with dangerous levels of competitiveness and jealousy that make some people nasty beyond tolerance. She has a point. Most of the 'bitches' I know have always criticized things that they themselves cannot or would not do as well as their victim does. More often than not, the subject of their bitching has nothing to do with them, but they feel the need to pass scathing judgement nevertheless, because it makes them content to assume that their opinion matters (which, in reality, it rarely does).

As humans we are a territorial and insecure bunch. Someone else shining out bugs us because our ego is threatened. And sometimes, that feeling of insecurity is so large (often due to us having little or no belief in ourselves) that we tend to 'cover up' with the obnoxious persona of a bitch. Running a person down to the ground seems to be the only alternative, because we aren't able to be the bigger person and focus on our own business and would rather mind someone else's.

And then there's the classic case of really not knowing any better than to be nasty to people. This is possibly born out of years of frustration and subjugation to similar bullying and bitching at the hands of others, that you are compelled to 'take revenge' on the world at a later stage. Very much like abused kids growing up into abusers themselves. In fact, it IS a case of abuse - emotional abuse. You give what you received, because you have never known anything else in life.

Having considered the factors behind bitching, one almost feels sorry for the bitch. They don't have a grasp on their own lives, and therefore try to shatter someone else's because of their inability to control their jealousies. It is a condition that deserves pity and compassion, but also intolerance.

So how DO we deal with a bitch? I found the following article online, and it had some interesting points of note-

The majority of our stress comes from two areas; our relationships with people and our relationship with money and sometimes our relationship with people with money and more frequently people without money. This article is dedicated to minimizing the effect of negative or nasty people on our lives. What follows are some suggestions for maintaining congenial cohabitation with nasty, negative people whose only purpose is to invalidate your reasons for existence.
#1 Minimize ContactNegative people sap your energy. They pull your best from you and leave you frustrated, angry, emotionally depleted. When you see them coming, you have my permission to go the other way. There is no valor in confrontation. They thrive on it. They are experts, professionals even. This is not a place for amateurs. Abandon ship. Let the women and children fend for themselves.


If avoidance is impossible, you can still avoid them emotionally by resisting the urge to enter their dance. As difficult as it might be don't give into the urge to correct, chide or scold. They have heard it all before and all you will do is upset yourself and begin the ruin of what could have been a nice day.

#2 Think about something elseWhat you think about you give power to. The more you dwell on a subject the larger you make it. That's just the way things work. If you would like less of that person in your life. Don't spend your time talking about how you dislike them, because you are only enlarging them in your sphere of operation.
What you should do, on the other hand, is to find something or someone else to talk about that is more positive and you will find that the negative influence will become less overwhelming to you.


#3 Don't let their negative feelings for you dictate your feelings This is a way to free yourself from the cyclical power of negativity. This is also a means of empowering yourself. Too frequently we define ourselves by other's opinions of us. As a result we act out of those impressions. There is a Christlike dignity in the person who is unbowed by insult. And we are capable of being positive as we realize the value Christ places on us.
We have the power to choose how we feel. If we are having a bad day, it's nobody's fault but ours. Consequently, since you have the choice of feeling good or bad, why not choose the mental state that is of more benefit to you?


#4 Look at yourself from their perspectiveIt's good to get another viewpoint. Very few of us are perfect. We might even have a trait that sends everybody else crazy. Trying to appreciate someone else's perspective means that you might have to take some time to get to know them. And that brings the possibility that you might even get to like them even with their nasty ways.

Thoughts worth considering, eh?

One thing I do have to say to them bitches out there who tried to bring me down (this one's for you, 'anonymous') - darling... you point one finger at someone else, and you only end up pointing three at yourself. Please don't for even a moment think that your words, harsh as they may be, are worthy of my time. You are entitled to your opinions, love, but I am entitled to choose to ignore you. Grow up.

68 comments:

Lady divine said...

I think it's not worth wasting our 'precious' time on earth to bother about people who prefer to waste their time bitching / gossiping / back-stabbing others etc...

Coz they fail to realise how much they're losing.... how much their self worth declines because of their actions... and worst, by the time they realise it (if at all), it's too late...

Besides, I think people who do this kind of 'non-sense' is actually insecure about themselves and are also jealous about others that they fail to utilise their time in getting to where they want to be.. and instead decide to bring harm to others.. and this process eventually brings harm to themselves..

I sometimes wonder whether they are even worthy to say "I pity you"....

Drama queen - it just ain't worth it! but good that you blogged about it.. can be a good eye-opener for others too...:-)

dramaqueen said...

Thanks LD, for the comment.

I agree wholeheartedly... bitches are not worth my time or trouble. And they shouldn't be worth anyone else's either.

shehal said...

read this -> http://www.kanabona.com/www/?q=desiderata

dramaqueen said...

Thanks, Shehal. It's beautiful, and very, very true.

Puts everything into perspective.

Thanks again.

Azrael said...

Good for you :D.
No point in wasting time on these things. It'll only get you down.

Hmmm...Intersting diagnosis and remedies.

I have a much more simpler theory: "HUMANS ARE FRIGGIN PSYCHO" he he :D

Shehal - That's one great poem. Perfectly captures everything

Sri Lanka Rocks said...

woooooooh, that's a loooong post...

I use a simple theory...

"those who will bitch with you, will bitch about you..."

SpectralCentroid said...

Hmmm. First of all, kudos for not throwing a "hissy fit" at the anon comment on the other post. Although you write under a pseudoname, the comment had been aimed at the real person behind it. Add to that the fact that it was about something you seem to love, its admirable to see quite a sane reply.

Now about the 'bitches' you talk about in this post. I'm not entirely convinced that 'bitch' is the correct term to describe these people. Maybe we could get Darwin to come up with a better word :)

All four suggestions are good, but sometimes these morons manage to get inside your head despite all your effort. I'm usually good at ignoring people but once in a while certain knuckleheads that I have to deal with in my line of work bring be dangerously close to physical acts of violence. If they do manage to get to you I've discovered that more than anything else some aggressive physical activity helps you get past it. Maybe that could be point number 5 for some people.

Strictly from a blogging perspective, from time to time it's actually fun to have a go at the 'bitches'. You just have to know when to pull out though.

N said...

I personally love winding up the nonces (i.e. bitches/wankers) who fit the bill in the online world...upto a point though, because a lot of them don't understand that I'm not taking them seriously...and that actually makes me feel a bit sorry for them...

Darwin should be able to come up with a word tout suite...once she's done talking piratey:)

enTRpy said...

Awesome post DQ. Dealing bitches can always be a trying affair. Going back and reading your last post it seems you handled anon1 just fine. The points you made are excellent. In my experience, avoidance has worked out great for me when dealing with a particular human-of-the-canine-kind. And when there's no escape mildly agreeing with them in a non-committing way can also be quite entertaining. In my case, a simple "Oh really! Interesting..." rather than countering her tends to knock the wind out of her sails :D.

dramaqueen said...

Woohoo! I'm new to this blogging thing, and I must say it's a helluva kick to have so many responses to my meagre posts! people actually READ me!

SLR - Good theory. Must remember that one...

Spectralcentroid - I love your blogs. Been reading them at a rate. Yes, i do have a fair clue as to who 'Anon 1' is. Heh. ANd you're right... it was fun to speak back at them bitches, but now that I've said my piece, I'll leave it at that.

n - I don't take them seriously either, and given my new understanding of why they are the way they are, I'm starting to feel sorry too...

entrpy - Nice one. Must try that next time, when i have to deal with a forked tongue.

Megan said...

This article has really influenced how i act now. I have a problem with a bitch and i would always interact with her cruelity by gossiping about her - i even went as low to as using myspace as a weapon - but you know what, i'm going to be the bigger person. Thanks a ton for helping me get my act together! xoxo

smmonz said...

Thank you so much for this article. The trouble I've had most lately is keeping my cool with this person who enjoys living life verbally abusing people. And you're right, it does come to bite me instead of making me feel any better.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for writing this. I just started a new job and some of the girls are straight up rude and bitchy. This article kept me from being discouraged after a long day. I have delt with harsh females all of my life and one thing i have learnt is the only way for you to win is to stay positive and turn the other way. Thanx again for a little courage to stay strong and stick it out.

ninix said...

Bitch,

I love em. So taken by their human frailty. Aw well, target their vanity, satisfy their need for confrontation; hit them with emotion rather than reason and you have a recipe for bringing out the better person that is concealed.

Anonymous said...

you really hit home with me I have been married to one of the (bitches). It seems as though she always comes on nice to new friends or people in public but when she gets to know ya for a while then she is a different person. Is that the traits of the disease?

Anonymous said...

I can't tell you how much this helped me. I am so quoting you in my blog. If I can take your advice and help someone else who is dealing with a bitch...that would be great!

DJ said...

I could n't agreed with you more on people that love to take down people to make feel good about them selves. If people kick your behind, you should know that you are ahead of them!

Foxhound said...

Bloody good post!

I agree. Doing what they expect is just bringing yourself down to their level.

KalGrl said...

I just want to say, I went through a really bad situation like this at work where my best friend turned against me because the other girls in my department didnt like me and told her all these things I said (which of course, I didnt. It was one of the hardest things to go through because this whole dispute lasted 2 years. Finally I have just learned not to care. I think that you have got the PERFECT result to end the stupidity of others and being surrounded by horrible people like that. My ex best friend and I are now good friends again... she had apologized and we are on good terms. And I did exactly what you said people should do. SO YOU GO GIRL!!! :)

kristina said...

I used to hang out with a big group of friends, but due to the common inner bitch that seemed to have come out all of us, I decided it's better to keep a bunch of close friends but expect the worst out of them at any time. You never know what will happen to change everything that you thought you had. By expecting the worst (and of course, making an effort to see the best in them), you save yourself time and effort you otherwise would've wasted talking back at what they are saying.

It is rather extremely harder to say than do, but you have to stop yourself from allowing yourself to get treated like that. Circle yourself with people who bring out the best in you, not the ones who seem to focus and attack your weakness.

After all, they are SO insignificant of your entire life. Don't bring yourself down because of them. What goes around, comes back around.
They are acting like that for a reason, and I'm pretty sure that those kind of 'bitches' only have a friend or two who are truly close to them - and without them they fail.
Miserably.

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much for this. I'm currently going through a similar situation where a girl who I thought was a friend turned against me and is trying to turn friends against me too.

It's sad that some people I regarded as friends are listening to her but I just tell myself that anyone who listens to gossip isn't worthy of your time and clearly wasn't a good friend in the first place.

I tried to work out why this girl was acting like this and I just think she's really unhappy with her life and tries to put me down to make her seem the bigger person. It's so pathetic but at the end of the day, I've got a partner, job, home and real friends I care about whereas I know she hates her job and has problems at home. And despite acting as though she's Miss Popularity, she has very few real good friends.

I think the main thing is to not waste precious time worrying about someone poisonous who ultimately, is only acting in a nasty way because of their own issues. Sadly due to some joint friends, I still need to see her sometimes so I just act polite and civil - kill her with kindness!

What goes around comes around anyway...

Anonymous said...

I think that the real issue here is. How can we stop ourselves from turning into bitches. I mean listen to all of this bitching. And you know as well as I do that if a bitch fronts up in my place (a place where she clearly dose not belong) in my business, in my life. Then I dont have any other choise than to BITCH UP, and feed to her the same bitch shit she likes to feed to me. Its just Bitches for ya. I can easilt not be a bitch by, keeping my nose out of other peoples crotches, but what the hell do i do with a bitch who stickes her nose all up in my ass... KICK the bitch, thats what I feel like doing. but I cant turn violent so it bleeds through. and like a mirror I show her and become the same to her as what I see that she is showing me. eye for an eye a bitch for a bitch

Anonymous said...

My friend was like that.. He isn't my friend anymore. He gives you trouble for saying AUSSIE or bulldogs. He has no more friends and he says "Oh... I wanna move schools.. Nobody here is being my friend.." (( LOOK AT YOURSELF IDIOT! )) and he says he is better then everybody and he acts like a big man and he bullies younger kids. A bunch of my friends are planning to beat him up. I hope he gets his arm broken. Racist Fuck.

--The kid with a life with no meaning.

Anonymous said...

I have myself been struggling with a complete bitch. I did feel deserved of the nasty vibe from her intitially because i upset her brother when i ended the thing we had, however i will admit that i did a crap job of breaking up with him. Two years later she is still spitting nails and makes a very public display of it. Constantly talking about me and doing the evil looks and nasty outbursts of hysterical giggles whenever i am in the vicinity. I do ignore her but honestly guys this doesnt seem to work, in fact it just seems to wind her up even more. Did the confrontation thing, nope that didnt work either. Where does a body go from here?

Anonymous said...

I am trying to deal with a bitch of a daughterinlaw. She has totally brainwashed my son,who I have to tell you we were very close. I can't say too much,because I have a grandaughter who is only three and I'm afraid she'll keep her from me. She is my heart and that would kill me. Give me some suggestions, thanks, ab

Anonymous said...

thank you very much dramaqueen. this blog helped me alot because i wanted to beat the shit out of this person that really ticked me off for no valid reason. i chose to keep my head cool and just know that i pity because of the insecurity the person has.


THANK YOU!!!

Anonymous said...

i agree with all of you
i have people treating me like this fell out with one of my friends and now they have turned the rest of my friends agains me they cant get anything bad on me so they had to resort to lying! and they even had to go sooo low & pathetic that had to bring up my illness
now thats a bitch!

Sarah said...

Amen sister! This was a great post! I have definitely dealt with anonymous brats on my blog and I've learned the hard way that defending yourself does no good. They just come back for more! And it's crazy how much it bugs me so I went looking for advice and found your post. Hopefully I can put it into practice! I sure plan to give it my best shot.

Anonymous said...

lol...I love this. Sooooooo much so that I emailed a girl that I believe suffers from said affliction with the heading as"I found a web site I thought you could appreciate."
Crossing my fingers, hope it works ;)

Anonymous said...

just wanted to add a comment to you girls chat, there is a bitch at my work i hate her so much,she moans continually about her kid,life,debt,people you name it! She is so up herself she never even shows any interest in anything other than gossip..things are so bad i've put in for transfer i just cant take her anymore..or fair weather friends who give you all their grief and cant even be bothered to make the time of day for you when it suits them...my moto now is get out of my way BITCH.

Anonymous said...

Im A Teen And Im Going Through This Stage Of Bitchiness And Im Hating It. In The Past, Yeah I Have Bitched, But I Don't Anymore. Time Is The Most Generous Thing You Can Give Cos You Can't Get It Back. So These People Who Bitch Aren't Worth It.

Anonymous said...

Hi. Can i please copy this and post it on my FB?

Anonymous said...

I'm dealing with a bitch at work. She's the biggest of all believe me, she's crazy. She makes people cry and insult them...she even got some fired and she admitted loving it.
She is a jealous person and my work does look way better than hers. My colleague and I tried to see the good in her and it didn't work.
That article is so true about bitches and starting now I'm gonna follow those advices. I will not concentrate my thoughts about her as she is a waste of my time and worth nothing to me. I will avoid contact with her at any cost if possible.
Thank you, that article described her so well and I believe it will make my workplace easier for me to live.

Anonymous said...

I'm having a bit of trouble with someone just like this. I love that I came across this blog. You rock!

Anonymous said...

thanks Drama queen i will think of these words wenevr i am feeling low bcz of any bitch. its so pissing off, when we r happy, they make such a pumpkin face instantly that i feel like killing them . i hope all bitches get extinct.

Anonymous said...

thanks Drama queen i will think of these words wenevr i am feeling low bcz of any bitch. its so pissing off, when we r happy, they make such a pumpkin face instantly that i feel like killing them . i hope all bitches get extinct.

Anonymous said...

The only treatment for these creatures is BENIGN IGNORANCE, ignore them and they will melt

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for having this blog - I know I have to pretend the bitch in my life doesn't exist, however, very hard to do this as she lives underneath me on the first floor. She is only here usually about 3 days a week as she is a flight attendant but she has no respect for me all with noise and I have tried everything. She confronted me two weeks ago about a polite note I left (agreed to by the owner) and went crazy on me bring me to tears (how stupid of me). Her son is in and out of her apartment and is not even supposed to be here. I have to figure out a way to survive her tantrums and her behavior. I keep trying to ingnore it but it is hard. She told me I have to just put up with it and to move. I emailed the owner and he said he would tell her it has to be quiet from midnight until 8 AM but she finds ways to either slam the door when she leaves on Monday morning to wake me up or blasts the stereo and she is 53 years old! It is obvious she is a very unhappy person. The one thing that really struck me was that she made sure she proclaimed herself a "Christian Woman" in the middle of harassing me in my own apartment. My sister is same. I swear it must be true what they say - if there is something you have a very hard time dealing with (me, it is confrontation), it will show up until you can resolve it somehow within yourself. And, it seems impossible to me. Any suggestions? I am desperate.

AJ said...

Im dealing with two bitches at work. and they really are the worst! im not a violent person, i hate violence, but i really want to smack their faces or push them off the office window and kill them!
i had a lengthy confrontation with one of them just few hours ago, and in the midst of it i realised how foolish it was of me to go with her provocation. Coz she clearly just waits for that 'amazing' moment when she can start yelling and bitching... and i just stopped the whole quarrel by saying"clearly we both have been misunderstood, let's start from the clean slate". and she went to her office with such a victorious face, but it only proved to me how pathetic she was. she didn't even realise that i took the control of the situation, none of what she said bothers me, and i definitely won't be provoked again!
and i figured out the weak point of another bitch at work: she's scared of direct confrontation! she loves scheming and spreading lies, stealing ideas, but i called her and told her that i want to have a very serious talk about her behaviour and told her to come to my office today. and guess what? the bitch didn't come, she doesn't even pick up her phone! so i guess direct confrontation is also advisable when you have a full control of the situation. take some pills to keep you calm for this confrontation if you have to. but of course these kind of confrontations should be well thought over in advance and you have to have a complete control of yourself, which is not easy.
and im definitely going to use all the tips provided in this blog! thanks!
AJ

Anonymous said...

I appreciate this article! Not only have I been dealing with a bitch who is a bipolar perfectionist micromanager at my job, I also have some bitchy friends on a moderate level. They are rude, crude, love confrontation, love to argue, and I completely dislike all of the above. I was brought up to treat people the way I want to be treated. It's simple, but I feel these bitches can't think that way and their ego takes over and they become so judgemental. So thank you kindly for this article. I start my new job in a week and now I will remember your article in dealing with my friends' bitchiness. Or better yet, make some new non-bitchy friends.

Anonymous said...

Hi! I really like your post.. as of now, I'm also dealing with a bitch and sadly I'm taking measures to get back at her in a negative way.. Two things that I realized while reading your post was how I stooped down to her level and how I was ruining my day because of her..Thanks to your post, coz I'm looking things in a different light..

Anonymous said...

Thanks a lot for the quotes. (especially 1-3 the most)
I've heard this countless times but this time, I'll do my ultimate best to avoid and ignore them as much as I can.
I've been suffering that for a long time now, but this time, I won't give in to them.

Thank you. ^_^

empathictempest said...

Great blog article. I have a neighbor (a married man) who bitches about many things as if the world is out to get him should he not have his way. The worst part of his male bitch fits is that he's also extremely opinionated; this has caused him to belittle or degrade the opinions of others, while pushing his opinions onto the victims of his bitch fits.

After reading this blog, I was reminded of how to be the bigger person by not stooping to the level of the bitch. The only part to this blog that I disagree with is tip #3. It's true that people can possess the ability to control how they feel, but there are limitations to that control. Such limitations can cause emotions to become uncontrollable. Also, it's not always a person's fault for having a bad day. People can say or do horrible things to hurt others; because of this, it's normal to feel overwhelmed and upset from negative encounters. However, I can agree with you about choosing to make yourself feel better after a bad day. For example, taking a walk in the park to clear your mind instead of lingering around, moping about how terrible your day was.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for this. It's nice to know that there are other people who understand the frustration that comes when dealing with someone like that. Seriously, there is a girl at my school who I have known for a long time. When we were younger she was always concieted and thought herself above everyone else. She used to talk down to you and was always the one picking on the little ones. Even now when we're older (had the misfortune of going to the same high school) she is just the same. She was a part of my friendship group for ages because I felt sorry for her and she ended up being nice for a couple of years, you know? I thought that she was over it and then my group started fighting last year and we had no idea why in all honesty. It took a while after that but, we mended fences and stuck together until just recently. Turns out that every fight we ever had as a group was spurred on by that bitch spreading lies to each of us about one another. As soon as we started to actually figure her out, we shut her down completely. Not including her and that sort of stuff (not in a bullying sense). But, we were just so pissed off at all of the crap that she had pulled that we couldn't stand to be around ehr any longer. After she left it was like we were just so much closer. Turns out that the only problem that had ever been there in our friendship group was her, so now that she is gone we are the best of friends. But after she left our group (telling everyone that we weren't good enough for the likes of her) she started doing it to everyone in our grade but, they figured her out too so now she has no one to sit with at lunch and no one that she can truly call a friend all because she became so self-obsessed and possessive that she drove everyone away. I hope that she takes a lesson from this and learns that playing with people's emotions and toying with their vunerabilites just comes back to bite you in the arse.


~~~~Tigger~~~~~

(Sorry for the rambling) (^_^)

Anonymous said...

I agree with you. Coming from a bitch that's a pretty good thing. I am one of those people you talk about but I do understand why I'm that way. It's true what you said, I am insicure and lonely and stuff. I take it out on others because it makes me feel like I'm not on the bottom anymore. Everyone has a reason to be a bitch. I know I'm wrong for being one but I get overwhelmed easily. There's just so many cruel people in this world it's hard to forgive and forget.

Anonymous said...

what to say i am surrounded by so many of this kind...they all are losers...they never learn...they suck and rip blood..even something happens to their own children also they never bother...oh jesus this type is also your creation....shameless,arrogant,criminals.....

CK said...

Struggling with a bitch of my own. I'm interested on your take, very informative. What do you do when your best friend turns on you and takes every statement as a personal attack against her?

Anonymous said...

Wow. I love you for writing this. Thank you !

Anonymous said...

Wow I am married to her, love her want to do right by her but sooo tired of hearing the meanness towards everyone including our 3 daughters routinely.

17 years and the last week she has been bed rest due to a surgery in the mouth (was quiet for a week) but today she seems to be moving around today bought a nice gift for our anniversary spent the day shopping with her. Asked to go out but she can't eat but now she is mad because I did not make plans.

Every year I buy a gift take her out usually complains but that is her disease. Tell me ladies do any of you give something to your husband or plan an outing? Did I screw this up again?

I'm beat it is getting old!

Anonymous said...

Wow I am married to her, love her want to do right by her but sooo tired of hearing the meanness towards everyone including our 3 daughters routinely.

17 years and the last week she has been bed rest due to a surgery in the mouth (was quiet for a week) but today she seems to be moving around today bought a nice gift for our anniversary spent the day shopping with her. Asked to go out but she can't eat but now she is mad because I did not make plans.

Every year I buy a gift take her out usually complains but that is her disease. Tell me ladies do any of you give something to your husband or plan an outing? Did I screw this up again?

I'm beat it is getting old!

Anonymous said...

Good post. I have a personal experience of dealing with one like those. She was someone I was bben asked to report to at work. Being quite a fresher to the corporate shoes, i was keen to follow my passions.But thi woman who called hereself a bitch manipulated things.?Her greatest security I believe was her hubby who happened to be a CEO and she capitalised on his influence in making all her seniors to be her friends.It was late when I realised she was bruising my chances of by blocking my roads and manipulating performance reviews.Her parents would have made a mistake by naming her Neel Kamal,as it never fits her expressions. A woman who does everything immoral and maipulates situations and people for her self intersts. Your post will help many people for sure.
Thanks

Anonymous said...

The worst kind of bitch is the one you are dependant on. When they are upset, they always have you to exert their emotions on and try every day to make you cry. They enjoy the fact you can't escape it, and it excites them. This is the third time I've had to deal with this kind of life, and I'm ready to become independant so I can leave these people behind. Personally, I believe it's impossible to change somebody. All you can do is offer them the opportunity to change

Anonymous said...

I was married to one of those bitches too. I divorced her. Now the only bitching I hear I can hang up on. My life is so much more peaceful now. :)

Eat.Pray.Love. said...

I really appreciate this blog a lot. There has been one of these bitchy woman at every job I have ever had! I love people, all sorts of people! I get a long with low to high class (whatever you define that as) and everyone in between! I just love people and I have always been very aware of people's feelings, emotions, and personalities. However, there must be something to my personality that brings out the worst in bitchy woman. I don't understand it! It's like the one mystery that I keep running into and I can never find a "solution". For whatever reason, bitchy woman cannot stand me and go out of their way to insult me, talk down to me, and just act like an ass to me. I don't go out of my way to try to be nice to them but I do find myself almost cowering when they "come after me". It is not my personality in any other aspect in my life to act or feel inferior to others. I do not think I'm better than others but I do not see others as my "superiors" (aside from athority!)I'm just sick of having great days at work that explode in my face just due to one woman's attitude and rude behavior. I just wish I could understand why bitchy woman feel it is their duty in life to make sure other people feel like crap.

Stomper said...

I lucked by this site in hopes of some bitch-coping power. After reading this entire page, it dawned upon me that I have the power to do something about this bitch. I can now feel taller than they are and reach up and grab a chunk of my own personal happiness when confronted by them. Thank you!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for this! :3 I'm dealing with a bitch at work. Its so frustrating. We used to do the same job and now I'm doing a better one. She kept making ear shot comments to her coworker about how she wishes she could "sit on her ass all day and get paid for it" when its clearly not the case at all. She said this today and I immediately turned around and confronted her saying "Is that what you think I do all day?" and just kept replying with "I wasn't talking to you." I shouldn't have said anything and realized she was just mad she still has to sweat to make minimum wage while I'm dealing with mountains of paperwork(and making more money :P). X3 I wish I could print this out and publicly display it at work. X3

Anonymous said...

I completely agree with what is being written here.. hey i am a beleiver of the maxim "ignorance is bliss"! but sometimes it is very hard to ignore.. for eg, she cud be your neighbor! yup,i got one ;).. anyways what I mean here is, its kinda hard to go talk to her.. I mean I kinda feel intimidated by the psycho as I have seen her behave very violently.. for eg, banging the door on people's faces..hw do u think we can deal with this?

Anonymous said...

My sister-in- law is the super-B*** from hell. My Brother and I have always had a really close relationship because we lost our parents when we were quite young. We knew we could always count on each other to be truthful and honest with each other and to have each other's best interests at heart.


Enter Super B***
She came armed with Malice and tries to bring me down at every opportunity. She has a screaming fit if my Brother speaks to me (and this is while they were living in my home for 6 years). In fact for the first 5months of their marriage i was not able to speak to my Brother for even 15 minutes without her creating a scene.

She tries to undermine me at every opportunity and puts on a real show in front of other people and pretends to be really nice to me when others are around or in front of my brother .

She was so violent with her children . At 3 months old she viciously slapped my little nephew. it was not the first time and not the last.I went to my Brother (I dare not say anything to SB****) and said if he did not put an end to it I was going to call the NSPCC. I was not going to have children being abused in my house.

She knew the effect it had on me because at one point she said "You always look as if you are about to cry when I hit him". As a result, i spent more and more time at home to look after him and totally neglected my career as a lawyer. I thought that if I helped out with looking after him then may be she would not lash out at him. I would have conference calls with clients and he would be sleeping in my arms. At least I knew he was safe there. I have an incredible bond with my nephew.In hindsight I should have called the police/ NSPCC but i could not bear the thought of my nephew being sent to a children's home which could also be abusive.

he is 10 now and she stopped hitting him around the age of 5. I guess she was worried he may say something at school.

The up shot is I have ruined my career and allowed this woman to manipulate me and use me as a nanny for all these years. I have tried to do the right thing but at huge personal cost.

For about 6 years They have not lived with me but anytime she needs help or there is an emergency she calls me and I go rushing over. I have spent so much time in hospitals looking after and running after her, yet she still treats me like dirt. But i love the children and vice versa.

My Brother has finally been brain washed by the mask she puts on for him. And my usually mild gentle, calm Brother is so stressed that he has had a heart attack at 41.

Is there a solution for how to deal with her?

I know I need to re-build my career and sort out my life. Everytime she does cruel and evil things to me she destroys my spirit and confidence. It is horribly stressful being around her, listening to her lies.


Kalidas said...

Thank you for writing this,thank you and may our lord of light bless you and your family always.Amen Jai maa!

Kalidas said...

Thank you so much for writing this,love,light and peace,may The Gods bless us with eternal Bliss and power forever.

Anonymous said...

I know this is an older post but I just had a run in with a horrible woman. I was so taken back by how she could be spouting such vile words and be smiling like a Cheshire cat the whole time. What's even worse, is this woman is a member of my church and is always giving scripture on how to live. I really enjoyed your blog and the article and some of the comments, I was really confused at why this woman verbally tried to demean but it is now a bit clearer. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

I get a long with low to high class (whatever you define that as) and everyone in between!

Why would anyone make such a statement?

Anonymous said...

I really don't know how to stand up for myself most of the time and I'm tired of working my ass of so that in the end I get pushed aside thank you for these words it made me realize I'm not the only one who has to put up with jealous insecure people who mask it with mean faces and intimidating personalities

Anonymous said...

hi, what about bitchy old seniors..raisedup to respect them as a Catholic.

So it begain..lend a listening ear to these seniors in my building and at end of conversations they find a way to slap me with vial words..

top it off..i againlet my guard down and over and over it happens again with different seniors.\\

As a Christian..and plus fact if I say anything back it will spread like wild fire in this building.

Small town Gossip is deadly.

Any advice here..i try ignoring them..but they pretend it never happened..and or worse think its okay to needle me to death.

also note they hang out by lobby so..when I go buy they find some rude comment about weight..groceries I buy..about my crocoddial shoes I wear ..so on.

hate living here..looking to move but my health is poorly.

HELP

Anonymous said...

Surviving is a challenge at the hands of a "masterful" bitch ... but as many of those responding have pointed out, the bitch's words and opinions for that matter, simply don't matter! I've come to realize that what you said seems true, and most bitches really do have a very lofty and inflated opinion of themselves, at least in terms of believing that somehow their misguided opinions and rants somehow matter ... they don't! My bitch (the one I've been manacled to for a very long time) is a particularly nasty and hateful bitch ... you haven't seen venom until you've seen this one! But I have and continue to move on in many ways and one day soon I'll be free of this nonsense.

Thanks for letting me share if not just vent a little bit ...

Anonymous said...

Yes yes, many people are going threw same thing as me, I'm not alone. U have helped me in ways u will never know. I deal with this girls crap at work everyday, besides Sunday. And I hate that she is so mean to me. Yesterday my boss said in a yelling sort of tone 'Ashley, stop being so mean' so its nice my boss reconized it, and that I'm not crazy, that it really does happen. But there friends and it will not stop.
What u wrote has helped me understand her. And u are absolutely right. You hit the nail on the head. I will read ur blog over and over to remind myself to not let her bring me down, she hates her life, yet envies mine therefore she's a bitch to me out of jelousey. You should write a book, I will buy it. Thank you so very much u helped me out tremendously.

Madge said...

Great post and advice.
My brother is married to a real Queen B****. She is one thing in front of others (I mean real oscar winning performances)and totally pyscho in front of my brother, the children and myself. She entered into the marriage by deceiving him and putting on a real pretence about herself. Once married, her true colours surfaced and it is clear that she is a totally avaricious control freak. She has taken total control of his property business which he built up before he married her, she decides who he meets. My brother is my only family but he is not allowed to speak to me unless she is there to supervise. If I go to his house she makes me really uncomfortable, unless people are there then she is really nice to me while they are there. She is very violent and abusive with the children so I try and have them over at mine as much as possible. But they are dressed well and she is very good at entertaining so everyone in their social circle does not see that. I would like social services to get involved but I don't want the children to be sent to some awful childrens home. If she knows she is being monitored by Social services then she will have to tone down the violence and it will be much better for the children. However, if she finds out that I am the one who has informed on her she will stop me seeing the children and this is a safe house for them. she is a very convincing liar and I am worried that if I tell social services that they will fall for her lies and impressive house and not take it further which will make things much worse.

The 2 older children are old enough to say how much she beats them but if she gets to them they will be too scared to say anything. When I have threatened her in the past she has made it clear that she will take them abroad to live. What should I do?

Anonymous said...

M sick and tired of a bitch living in my house I wanted her to go but she prolonged her stay I cared for her mom and bought her meds but they pushed me aside as m a used rag and all my good work unworthy, and ifvthts nt enough she bully's me whenever she has a chance m working she is nt m married she is nt I HV a baby she has not may be all this makes her jealous but I deserve to HV my own happy place when I work so hard to earn it, wat to do