Raindrops are Falling in My Head

It's one of those days.

Bleurgh.... the weather's reflecting my mood to perfection. Gloomy, dark, depressive and utterly unproductive.

I'm still at office, though everyone else has buggered off home. Got nothing to do for an hour, until it's time to shove off for a rehearsal at a friend's house. I've had a bad day... not bad things happening, but generally a really bad mood that's twisted me around its little finger and made the last 10 hours mondo crappio.

I suppose it boils down to me being female... we're prone to this sort of thing now and then. No, it's not PMS, dumbass... just another one of those days when everything ticks you off so much it borders on absurd.

It started off with a silent argument I had in my head with the better half... when he announced this morning that he was going to the gym with some work buddies in the evening. I totally over-reacted and made a scene out of it, even to the extent of ranting at him on email this afternoon. You see, I've been dying to go to the gym with him for the last year, but recently gave up the constant pleading and nagging because he really didn't seem interested, and always had a bunch of excuses each time I asked. Then suddenly, someone else suggests it, and he's packed and hopping along. Am I THAT much of a pain to go with, that all my wailing for the past year can be ousted with a single invitation from another person?

I know what you're going to say... Im being stupid and it's a 'guy thing'. Bullshit. We went to the gym together some time ago, and we both enjoyed it. But lately, enjoyment happens in two different corners of the world.

Anyway, long story short, I had a somewhat irrational female viewpoint to make, and I stretched it in my head to its dramatic best, so much so that I got worked up over nothing, and ended up simmering over every other relationship issue I've had in the past. All the naggy little doubts and concerns came flooding back and cooked itself to be one enormous lump of distasteful crap.

So much so that now, I'm seated here, 10 hour after the whole thing started, still obsessing.

I've come to the conclusion that my present state of mind and mood has nothing to do with a petty tiff about a gym. There's been plenty of stuff going on in my head for months now, and it's festered to a point where even the tiniest absurdity is setting off an eruption of irritability and depression. I am starting to become complacent and unhappy with my life, and it in turn is changing me into a person I don't like and never wanted to become.

Either that, or it's just one of those days.