Thursday, May 1, 2008

Woosahhh...

This is fun. I'm perfecting the art of pissing off people who piss me off, just by NOT being pissed off. Makes sense?

I think I dealt with a similar issue when I posted last year on how to deal with bitches. For once, I'm practicing what I preach, and it actually works. Perhaps I should move to the States, write a book on it and then get on Oprah, to be crowned the next generation's yogic guru of stress-free living. But before I do, I want to put down my theories on this here blog.

We have the most awfully snickety biatch in the office who thrives on gassing her way around and shrieking at the world like a retarded harpie everytime she feels stressed. She's prone to giving everyone severe attitude and at the same time fucking up almost every job she touches. Many have complained about her disgusting behaviour but to our dismay she's still around, assuming more power than she has officially been given. This irritates the rest of the staff to the point where threats of resignation have been heard from many of my colleagues.

I decided that I wouldn't be one of them. I'm too used to being a bitch to let someone else come along and usurp my lady-dog throne.

But my strategy wasn't to fight fire with fire. Nay, good sirs and madams. I decided to go in the exact opposite direction and be thrilled and thoroughly amused with her histrionics, thereby befuddling her into a quivering mass of paranoia.

Oh it is fun.

Each time she screeches I softly whistle a tune. Each time she puts on her long-practiced pained face and whines on the woes of life I smile relaxedly. Each time she glares and glowers like a shortsighted owl I send her air kisses. Every move she makes with regards to my work, I put down on minutes and send it out to everyone else in the workgroup, her included. This is more to cover my ass in case she decides to twist up little tales like she has with so many others in office. The harsher her words, the sweeter my responses.

I have been warned that she is the master of sabotage, should she take a disliking to you. That prompted me to complete my work without her knowledge or involvement, so much so that by the time she eagerly arrives on the scene in anticipation of creating drama, the work is already done. Last night I felt slightly rebellious and sent out a group email to the entire office about the importance of being human and approachable in a work environment. It covered matters like respecting your teammates and behaving professionally. I named no names nor pointed accusing fingers- it was more a written seminar on personality-development in the office - but I got my point across. Everyone knew who I was ever-so-subtley referring to.

My tactics have now resulted in her royal bitchiness not even speaking to me anymore, and answering my questions with a special withering look reserved just for me.

And that suits me just fine.

I think I shall contiue this practice, because watching her face turn bright shades of purple in frustration is too good a show.

I'm such a bitch. Tee hee hee.

7 comments:

Lady divine said...

damn!! you sure are getting it off your system!!

The mail you sent around - WAS FABULOUS! I think many people felt like their prayers were finally answered!!!

Oh, this is where what goes around comes around.. and I'm waiting to hear more of it!!!!! :D

High Five chief!:D

Scrumpulicious said...

Lol - that's the best way to deal with these types. The nicer you are - the mroe irksome they get. And once they realise that it's going to stay like that, they do tend to find another victim! :) Good on ya! :)

Azrael said...

ha ha your office must be a fun place...

santhoshi said...

sending a mail out is brilliant, Good for you...

You know me said...

Yes... i saw her facebook status saying " so and so is laughing at the under cutting bitch" i was wondering if you had anything to do with pissing her off. Now i know. Awwww good on you girl. Keep uo the good work. hats off to you!

dramaqueen said...

Hello awl,
Thanks. The purpose of my group mail wasn't purely to piss her off... I couldn't watch her doing what she did and keep my mouth shut. At the same time, i didn't want to be like her and get petty and point fingers, which is why I left any names out of the mail.
I don't know if her FB status was about me - there are other girls in office lining up to lodge in lists of complaints about her when my boss gets back, so it may very well be meant for one of them.
I've had already had my say, and that's as far as I go.

cj said...

Hey S! It was so wonderful to read your post... I find it so enjoyable and refreshing! I must confess I have worked with a few people like that in my life.