Woosahhh...

This is fun. I'm perfecting the art of pissing off people who piss me off, just by NOT being pissed off. Makes sense?

I think I dealt with a similar issue when I posted last year on how to deal with bitches. For once, I'm practicing what I preach, and it actually works. Perhaps I should move to the States, write a book on it and then get on Oprah, to be crowned the next generation's yogic guru of stress-free living. But before I do, I want to put down my theories on this here blog.

We have the most awfully snickety biatch in the office who thrives on gassing her way around and shrieking at the world like a retarded harpie everytime she feels stressed. She's prone to giving everyone severe attitude and at the same time fucking up almost every job she touches. Many have complained about her disgusting behaviour but to our dismay she's still around, assuming more power than she has officially been given. This irritates the rest of the staff to the point where threats of resignation have been heard from many of my colleagues.

I decided that I wouldn't be one of them. I'm too used to being a bitch to let someone else come along and usurp my lady-dog throne.

But my strategy wasn't to fight fire with fire. Nay, good sirs and madams. I decided to go in the exact opposite direction and be thrilled and thoroughly amused with her histrionics, thereby befuddling her into a quivering mass of paranoia.

Oh it is fun.

Each time she screeches I softly whistle a tune. Each time she puts on her long-practiced pained face and whines on the woes of life I smile relaxedly. Each time she glares and glowers like a shortsighted owl I send her air kisses. Every move she makes with regards to my work, I put down on minutes and send it out to everyone else in the workgroup, her included. This is more to cover my ass in case she decides to twist up little tales like she has with so many others in office. The harsher her words, the sweeter my responses.

I have been warned that she is the master of sabotage, should she take a disliking to you. That prompted me to complete my work without her knowledge or involvement, so much so that by the time she eagerly arrives on the scene in anticipation of creating drama, the work is already done. Last night I felt slightly rebellious and sent out a group email to the entire office about the importance of being human and approachable in a work environment. It covered matters like respecting your teammates and behaving professionally. I named no names nor pointed accusing fingers- it was more a written seminar on personality-development in the office - but I got my point across. Everyone knew who I was ever-so-subtley referring to.

My tactics have now resulted in her royal bitchiness not even speaking to me anymore, and answering my questions with a special withering look reserved just for me.

And that suits me just fine.

I think I shall contiue this practice, because watching her face turn bright shades of purple in frustration is too good a show.

I'm such a bitch. Tee hee hee.